I hate myself i wanna die?

i really hate myself i have been through alot tho im only 22 i have to kids that got taken away because of a mistake i didn't take my son to the hospital when i was supposed to my mom left me this apartment its dirty but i had nowhere else to live i just started school today the man i love doesn't wanna be with me because he thinks we argue alot but its only because of the distance i don't have any clothes nice to wear only my moms stuff i try to take pretty pictures but today i cant im really down i want everything i work hard for it but i still get shut down. i am so ******* sad i really don't have any food i only get 200 dollars from food stamps but i have to feed my kids when they come on the visits please somebody talk to me im sitting here with all this pain i don't ever have anything no matter how hard i work at it my ocd annoys me i cry almost everyday i really don't wanna be here no more im struggling really hard noones helping me i live by myself. its hard when you used to hearing laughter i walk into a house full of silence my kids don't even call me mommy like that to them they have 2 moms its frustrating when you try to be with the man you love but he doesn't understand ive applied for public assistance but they keep closing my case because of my court dates i keep keeping up no one likes me everyone hates me my kids are fine but i dont know what i want because they're happy without me im ******* stressed out i hate everything i want new clothes a house my kids a husband a job a degree im working so hard b ut nothings coming together because the government is ****** up so is the city i wanna be ******* happy its not fair my kids father doesn't help so i have to do everything the little bit of money i do get once in a while goes to pampers i would rather have my kids be fine than me look nice everything this is what you give up when having kids i had my kids at the age of 20 im so depressed my medicaid is off so my therapy cant continue please help me someone